January is already almost over. I spent the first two weeks of 2015 curled up in my bed of pain, so I feel like I’m allowed to still be meditating on the New Year, since mine feels like it’s only just starting now. Being out and about in the real world still feels quite odd.
Francette recently wrote a really lovely post about her participation in #OneWord365- and it reminded me of a Shamanic tradition my family does at New Year’s. It involves writing down the things you want to let go of from the past year and burning them to symbolise the release. Then, you write down the things you want to gain in the year to come, and you keep that piece of paper. The first year I did this, the word I wrote down was adventure– and the adventure started that very night. You can read more about what that adventure entailed in my previous post. So 2013’s word was adventure, but 2014’s word ended up being survival. Instead of throwing myself into new and exciting things, I found myself just trying to get through each day. I didn’t feel like my sunshine-y, positive self at all.
That’s not something I want to cling to or dwell on. I’ve been thinking about my time here at Glendon so far; I’m really happy to be here. It was an unexpected transfer, but one I don’t regret in the slightest. But I don’t think Glendon has really gotten to know me yet.
Having chronic pain and ongoing health “things” means that I haven’t always had the time or energy to spend on campus. Even more than that, chronic pain is one of those things that chips away at who you are. I’ve been tired, stressed and anxious. I’ve been spending so much time unable to do anything active, so I’ve become very weak, unfit and gained weight. My appetite has gone down, and my sleep pattern is all over the place, so my skin is breaking out more and my hair has started to fall out and has become brittle (this is why I wasn’t able to donate it as I mentioned I would a few months ago). But the bright side is that all of these things are reversable and within my control. I’m slowly starting to feel like myself again, so my #OneWord365 is…
I mean this in lots of ways. I’m a huge word nerd (occupational hazard of all writers and Linguistics majors) and the word recover has two definitions:
- return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.
- find or regain possession of something (stolen or lost).
And both of these are important to me this year.
Yes, I intend to get my health and strength back: I’m starting to swim, work out and take up flexibility training. I take a cocktail of vitamins and probiotics every day, I’m trying to go to sleep earlier, eat more and eat healthier. I’ve also figured out that I need to work to get my “self” back. I spent last year focusing on survival, and that distracted me from being me. I forgot, literally, to have a life.
This is who I really am: I’m the oldest of three children, but I’m not at all bossy. I’m generally a happy person, and I used to be that girl that smiles at passersby and makes friends with strangers at airports- but I’ve always been quite quiet. I have an INFP personality type, which is spookily accurate. I’m a Virgo but I don’t pay much attention to horoscopes (though I fit the description pretty well!). I took singing lessons for eight years, have been an avid swimmer my entire life and I can make really good roti dough. I like exploring new places and I spend a lot of time at the beach. I’ve never really felt comfortable in “cliques” or groups, and rather have friends of all ages and walks of life. I’m not very outgoing but I am friendly (so if you see me on campus please say hi!).
This year, I’m on a mission to recover myself. I’m joining a choir, taking up yoga, writing a journal for the first time in years and taking the time to build a
real life again. It’ll take some time, but I think I can do it. Happy, clumsy, healthy Jasmin is on her way back. I hope you guys like her.
Are you choosing a #OneWord365? I’d love to hear about it- you can tweet me at @JasminElyGL or leave a comment down below. 🙂